Mother of all drugs. Nasty, horrible poisin that completely changes you physically and mentally in my eyes. 

I started my six months of aggressive chemo on November 3rd 2014. Before you start you have a consultation with one of the nurses who explain absolutely everything to you over an hour and a half. All the tiny details, any fears, questions, what to expect. It's all discussed so you are completely aware of what will happen. This is usually a couple of weeks prior to starting so you have time to get our head around it all. My chemo buddy and best friend Jan was with me for this meeting. And as Jan does, she asked so many questions which is great cause their is always something you forget right ? 

Monday November 3rd at 2pm I turn up to oncology with Jan for my first session not really knowing how it all will go. I check in with the reception and sit and wait. After approx five minutes a nurse comes out calls my name and asks to weigh me. Its a chair attached to a large set of scales. How relaxing is that ! Then off we go down the corridoor to the chemo ward. 

Their are several beds in a semi-circle with a large desk placed in the centre for the nurses station. I was shown to number 4 bed and sat down. Straight away I clocked the tea, coffee and biscuits on a trolly opposite. I'm kind of a tea-a-holic. The nurse checked my details asked which arm I preferred . Well good thing she asked because I wasn't and still arn't allowed any needles in my left arm or side due to the lymph nodes taken in my 2nd operation. It can cause lymphademia (swelling of the arm with fluid which is painful and can be permanent). So the right arm it was. 

After several attempts to get the needle into a vein I was starting to panic, I hate needles. After the 4th attempt failed another nurse tried with success thank goodness. My hand was in agony from all the attempts. First off saline is flushed through to make sure all is working correctly. Then the chemo drugs S.F.U., Epirubicin, and Cyclophosi I.V. bag was attached and switched on to run through slowly for approximately an hour. I couldn't feel anything apart from a cold feeling running up my arm to begin with but stopped after around twenty seconds. It was then tea and biscuits time. 

Oncology has wifi so you can log on and surf away if you desire. Read a book or just chat, drink tea and eat all their biscuits as I did. 

I was told that at home I was to use a different toilet to the children as the pure poisin being pumped through my body was harmful if it splashed onto  the toilet seat when urinating and anyone came into contact with it. 

Your told about the side effects, loosing your hair not just on your head but all over the body. Its not until it actually happens that you realise how important it is. My nose hair, all gone and my nose constantly running. Its the hairs that stop all the dust going up the nose and your nose from runnng. Then theirs your eyelashes, wow constantly rubbing your eyes from the dust or something blowing in them. Ok the bikini line and armpits were the only good thing about it, I didn't need to shave ! 

We take for granted having our hair and boy when you suddenly loose it does it come as such a shocker. I was offered what's called the cold cap to try and save your hair on your head but I was advised as the chemo I was having was aggressive it probably would not work. With that I decided not to bother trying as I don't do cold very well at the best of times. 

Your nails come off both on the hands and feet. Your advised to paint them black to try and help stop this. Sometimes it works sometimes not. From day one I would have my chemo then walk across the road to my gorgeous nail technician Ania who would always renew my nails for me every three weeks. Always black to help avoid them falling off. It's something to do with the sunlight on them apparently. 

Other side effects, extreme tiredness and  fatigue, weight loss, loss of appetite, plus everything tasting like metal. Its such a weird thing. Nothing but nothing has a taste. Your tastebuds are completely stolen from you. Your memory known as chemo brain, brain fog, OMG you forget everything even your own name sometimes its crazy. Some people feel very sick all of the time even with the drugs they give you after to try to eleviate that. A big one for me was and still is you dont sleep !! your tired as hell but you just can't sleep. Irritable and aggitated, headaches. Another one I had was my skin peeled from my hands, they were so so sore so I had to wear gloves for a few weeks as anything you touched was complete agony. Your vision becomes blurred. They do say it comes back afterwards. I'm still waiting for mine to re-appear as it was pre chemo. This one is funny but its not. I was single so it didn't effect me. You cannot have sex for up to a week after chemo each time as it will burn the males penis. Oh another is you feel the cold a hell of a lot more than normal and need to have several layers of clothes on, Heaters on what ever season of the year it is. 

Plus it pushed me through the menopause to so not only did I have to deal with all the chemo side effects but all the menopause ones too. The night sweats, and hot flushes to name a couple.

This is just a few of the side effects that comes with going through chemotherapy. It makes you wonder how the hell am I still standing after having that much poisin injected through my body for six months every three weeks. 

Your given a whole bag of drugs to take home with you after each session to take for the following week for different days/times. Anti sickness, anti biotics incase of infections etc etc.

It was after the second session that one morning brushing my hair it was coming out in huge chunks. This made me feel so sick. I had always had really long hair. I had had it cut just below my shoulders a couple of weeks before my mastcectomy to prepare myself but seriously this was my hardest part of it all. I called Jan, I was terrified of loosing my hair. I decided to wash it to see if we could cover the patches somehow but big mistake. once washed it became all matted as the hair was dying. The more we tried to brush it the more came out. We decided to put into a pony tail and just cut at the band. It wasn't to bad but was not good. 

I had ordered my wig prior to starting the chemo . The hospital give you a £75 voucher to help towards the cost due to the expense of them. Mine was £700 

I rang my ex husband Richard and asked if he would shave my head for me as I couldn't bear how it looked and felt like every turn of the head more would fall out. I remember sitting on a chair in his lounge and complete silence as he shaved the remaining hair off. I had a cap with me to put on to go back home. I cried so much I hated what this horrid drug had done to my hair. I already felt like I had lost my femininity but now it was even worse. The feelings and emotions were of total hatred of myself. What had I turned into, I didn't recognise myself anymore. Cancer sucks.

After that day I wore my wig every day and always with a hat so no one would know it was a wig. Well anyone who didn't know me that was. We did have some giggles though. In the house I would ware a beanie hat as my head was cold. The kids use to put my wig on the dogs and themselves and parade around. They kept me smiling I have to say. My boys are the best and they were so fantastic throughout all the operations (all 7 of them) the chemo, and the radiotherapy . 

After round three the drugs changed to the red devil for the remaining cycles. Again just as potent but if I had of had any hair left this would have seen it off. With this one I always had to take several different drugs two days before the chemo which I was to collect when I had my bloods taken. Thats something that is done before each cycle except the first one to check if your white blood cells are high enough to take another hit of the chemotherapy. So when I went for my bloods I was to collect my drugs for those two days before the chemo. 

Twice, yes twice they forgot to give them to me and it is stated that if you havn't had them you cannot have the chemo. Ok so they give me another appointment for the chemo right ? wrong, the chemo is ordered and shipped in especially for each patient. The Doctor decided that as I was young and fit they could just pump me full with the two days worth of steriods directly before I have the chemo!! 

I was wired for bloody days. This happened to me twice not once but twice. I wasn't sleeping much as it was but now not at all. 

Anyway I got through the six months and so proud of myself because I worked thoughout it. I would have the chemo at 9am in the morning from the second cycle then go stright to have my nails re-done with Ania to keep them black. Then straight to work, sometimes feeling a little sick but the drugs they give you afterwards help with that so I just carried on as normal. Well as normal as I can be. 

On my third cycle it was Jan's birthday so we went out that evening to celebrate as we always did. This is us below, me with my wig and hat on. 

My final chemo was Wednesday February 18th 2015 yippppeee. I made it through. This is Jan and I and with one of the lovely nurses who looked after me and always got the needle in first time. Even with my collapsed veins from the constant use.

If anyone has any questions, advise or just wants a chat please message me through. I would be so honoured to help in any way.