Diagnosis Day

August 5th 2014

August 5th 2014 I awoke at 5.30am as per usual, dressed and was out the door for 5.45am arriving at the gym for 6am. Morning cardio on the treadmill for 45 minutes was my daily Monday to Friday routine. It was all the usual faces, (the breakfast club) so much energy and positive vibes. Home for 7am to wake the boys up, feed the dogs and shower.

As a single parent I had to do the normal morning chores of school packed lunches, breakfasts and the school run. Well for Kyle anyway. Brandon cycled to school as he was in his final year. Luke my eldest started work at 7.30am so was already up.

I arrived at the hospital car park at 8.25am managed to park without any crazy drivers causing a drama or blocking spaces if you know what I mean ! As I exited the car park I could see Jan waiting for me outside the entrance to the Breast Clinic. I caught her eye so smiled and waved. We then waited another few minutes for Sue to arrive.

These are my two bestest friends for over 25 years. They have been through everything with me. Introduced me to my ex husband Richard, whom I was married to for 21 years. My mum died of breast cancer on Christmas Day 1999 aged 51y. The birth of my three boys, my divorce. So when they knew the date of my clinic appointment I didn’t even need to ask them to come with me. They immediately insisted they were coming with me.

We all three of us sat in the waiting area chatting away about everything and anything when the nurse called my name. Both the girls stood up, looked at me saying “come on Flooz” (my nick name of many years from Jan because it rhymes with sooz !).

I walked into the room on the left of the waiting room. One I hadn’t been in before as all my other visits I had been called into the right hand side room. Just an observation . Dr Stephenson introduced himself, and we all sat down. He asked if the girls were my sisters. I explained, no, but most people do automatically assume we are. I told him we are all best friends of over 25 years.

He went on to explain. The biopsy they took a couple of days ago has come back and I’m afraid it’s not good news. Jan immediately said, what do you mean? I was completely frozen at this stage just staring at Dr Stephenson waiting for the rest of the sentence to come out. Then, their it was “the two lumps are breast cancer” I then remember Jans face just drop, jaw ajar. Sue had tears running down her cheeks, holding her hand across her mouth. Then, I reply with, “BUT I HAVE A COMPETITION IN 6 WEEKS” everyone just gasped and all eyes were on me. I don’t think anyone could believe that was my reply . The tears rolled down my face but I was silent. It was like I had just dismissed the fact I had just been told I had breast cancer. I had been training hard for the forth coming show as I had done the previous 6 years.

I compete in the Figure Fitness competitions which I absolutely love. I had put so many hours into my training and I WASN’T giving up. I was then told due to the fact I had two lumps and they were so far apart I would have to have a mastectomy . A lumpectomy was not an option. With this information we were then told I would need to go back the following week once the news had sank in and they would give me the surgery date and more information so then I could absorb what I was being told. Both the girls were firing questions off at Dr Stephenson and I remember Cath the nurse fetching me a glass of water. I don’t remember any questions the girls were asking as it was a blur in my head. Instead I was thinking the boys are away in France with their dad, how will I tell them. The rest of the conversation is a complete blank, I remember nothing, nothing at all. Which now I see why they get you to go back the following week. As we walked out of the room the waiting room was full . All eyes were on me, some smiled, some bowed their heads.

Once outside, Jan decided we needed a cup of tea. We walked down to Sand Street to a café where we could sit down and try to make sense of the information we had just been given. Jan ordered the teas and sat with me whilst Sue was making phone calls to all the important people we thought needed to be told straight away. I remember her phoning Richard in France. He said he would tell the boys that night. To my best friends in UK Jane and Claud. Then my close friends and training partner . All were in shock. We sat and had our cuppas trying to make some sense out of it. The girls were trying to console me as I was so worried about my boys. What would happen to them if I’m not here? I suddenly realised I needed to go home get my van and get to my client as time was moving on and I do not like arriving late to an appointment . Jan left and headed back to work. Sue walked up to the car park with me .

I drove home swapped to the van and went off to my appointment a little late. It was Alphie Preston. Whilst grooming the doggy my mobile rang, it was Jan asking where I was she told me that her boss after she explained what the outcome of the appointment was had said to come and be with me for the day. I shouldn’t be alone, so Jan came and sat in the van whilst I groomed the doggies for the rest of the day. A true best friend, I’m so very lucky to have her.

That night I lay in bed thinking. I didn’t want people to shy away from me, to ignore me not knowing what to say to me. So, I decided to post on Facebook to tell people. To stop the Chinese whispers so it came from the horses mouth so to speak. This is my post:-

My Post

Just a thought ........

I often wonder how different things would have been if I had been diagnosed in 2011 when I first went to the hospital with one lump in my breast. I was basically told to go away as it was nothing but scar tissue. Not sure what they mean by scar tissue when I had never had any operations for it to be scar tissue. Even with my family history of my mum passing away aged 51y with breast cancer that was not enough for them to think of biopsying the lump. 

You presume the experts know best and off I went. The lump continued to grow and between 2011 and 2014 I went back to my doctor 4/5 times and she would measure the lump and always due to its larger size each time would refer me back to the breast clinic . Every time they would take a look tell me it was nothing and send me away again. It wasn’t until another lump appeared in 2014 which was actually protruding from my chest wall that I was rather concerned. But because I felt foolish as I had been told now several times it was scar tissue nothing else I didn’t want to go back again so I didn’t.

Then as I was training and dieting for the competition I started to get the severe pain in my right elbow which actually brought me to tears as trying to lift heavy dogs during the day was so so painful. I gave in and visited my doctor. Whilst their just happened to say “Oh by the way these lumps are still growing”. 

Once again she measured them and yep they were still growing in size. Again she refers me back to the breast clinic. Hallelujah this time they actually decide to send me the following day for a biopsy and so thats when all hell let loose. 

In my eyes if they had sent me for a biopsy back in 2011 when I first found one lump I could of had a lumpectomy instead of loosing my whole breast. I could of been saved from going through aggressive chemotherapy and loosing all my hair. No radiotherapy in Southampton for five weeks away from my children. Due to the fact I was not biopsyed in 2011 I ended up with a 5cm mass plus in the lymph nodes. Ive so far had 8 operations and i’m Still not done 4 years later. Everyday I am thankful and so grateful I am alive but I always also think what if .............

Comments

After all the lymph nodes g9ne, I am now half way through chemo and have 3 weeks of radio due. So apart from the more limited surgery now they throw the whole gambit at you to be safe. No escape!

I was biopsied the moment, the day there was any hint of an issue. A 19mm lump, followed by a lumpectomy, sentinel node extraction and then due to a tiny amount of cancer in on lymph node, all removed