Hair today, gone tomorrow 

Loosing the hair

This to me was the worst part of my journey. Yeah I know your thinking, "its only hair" right ? wrong. 

I have always had long hair which I have been very proud of. When I was little my dad wouldn't let mum get my hait cut because he thought having short hair would make me look like a boy. He always said to mum "girls have long hair, boys have short hair" haha I can picture him now, it makes me smile. But that has always stuck with me I suppose and I always had long hair. So when the hair started to come out and I ignored it at first. It was after the second chemo. I would wake in the morning and have quite a lot on my pillow. 

I had been up to Bonita hair salon and ordered my wig using my £75 voucher towards it what oncology at the hospital give to you. The lady tried to get me to have a short one, as she said everyone that ordered long ones ended up having them cut as they either got to hot or couldnt cope with the length. I was having a long one and that was that !!! no bones about it. Didn't matter what she said to me, my head, my choice. She made sure she told me I couldn't take it back once it had arrived. The worst thing was I remember sitting in the salon full of people getting there hair done with no privacy and having to try on different wigs. To me I felt that was so so wrong. You get stared at, people feel sorry for you. I couldn't wait to get my butt out of there. Although the lady was nice it was just so totally wrong and made me feel so self concious . 

I remember paying the £700 and I hadn't even been able to try the one on I actually ordered and was told I couldn't have it refunded if it wasn't right. Maybe thats why I found my other wigs elsewhere! 

Anyway I think it took a couple of weeks to arrive, my hair was quite thin by then and I had started wearing hats to cover my head. Eventually one day when I washed my hair it completely matted up because it was dead hair so Jan and I had no choice she had to just cut my pony tail off . This then left my hair shoulder length which ok was alright but so very thin and every time I put my fingers through my hair I ended up with huge amounts in my hand. So I decided the following Saturday to ask Rich (ex hubby) to shave the remainder off for me. I sat on a chair in his lounge with such horrible low feelings of loss. He started the clippers and shaved the remaining hair off. Neither of us spoke I remember it was silent. I don't think I could of asked anyone else to do this for me. Together for 21 years we had been through so much. I just didn't trust anyone else to do this for me. 

Well it took all of what two minutes and we had matching bald heads hahaha. My head was bloody freezing thank goodness I had a hat to put on.

From that day on I always had a wig on or when in the house a beanie to keep my head warm. I use to come into the house and like normal people hang their coats on the bannister I use to take my wig off and hang that on the bannister !!  have to be different eh . 

Anyway I never had my wig cut like the lady at Bonita thought I would. I loved my long wig I use to always wear a hat over the top to hide the fact it was a wig and that I was ill. If anyone didn't know me then you wouldn't have known. 

The airport security staff got so used to seeing me on a Monday morning when I was off weekly to Southampton for my radiotherapy that they never use to make me take my hat off as they knew whay I was wearing a hat. They were all so very kind to me and im forever grateful. 

My boys use to love trying my wigs on too, especially the one i use to keep plated which I would wear daily whilst working. Even the dogs had a try on !! We always made light of the situation. It was no good being miserable I smiled, laughed and joked as much as possible because that's what makes you feel so much better. Being loved and loving 💗💗💗

Wig one

This was my first wig used mainly for when I went out on the town or dressed up ❤️

Wig two

This one I use to platt mostly

Wig three & four

These were a fraction of the price I paid for the others and such amazing quality 💗💗💗

I still did everything as normal but with my different wigs on. Here are some of the photo's of me out and about having fun fun fun 

Growing back

It was approx 4 weeks or so after the final chemo that my hair started to grow back. Their was these little tufts of hair, I was so so excited whoooooooo yeah . Until your in this same situation you have no idea how loosing your hair and being without it for so long feels. It was another part of my femininity gone. Yeah I was alive, fair point but, my whole life changed just like that. I use to be a Fitness Model, a Figure Fitness competitor. It was all about femininity, that was my world I lived in. I was so body concious and all of a sudden I had one boob and no hair !! to me that was my femininity. 

But my hair growing back was a good start. Every day I would wake up and go straight to the mirror to see how much longer my hair was (as if it would have suddenly grown masses over night) I wish.  As the days went by there was more and more to see. I use to use a toothbrush to brush it. 

It was dark, not grey like they said it may be. Lots of people's does grow back grey in colour, thicker and curly. Mine was just dark and from what I could see no curls at all just straight as before. 

I started to use a growth shampoo which I had found online and my hair was just growing at an incredible speed. YES at last. I still use this shampoo and higfhly recommend it to everyone. 

I know its not the end of the world to loose your hair when your fighting to save your life but remember everyone thinks differently about certain situations. Have the respect to listen to understand. Until your in the same situation do not judge, be kind.